


Winter Worries

by Aeris_Blue



Series: Seasons of Grillster [6]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Casual drinking, Community - Freeform, Dancing, Determination, Dissociation, Domestic, Family, Fluff, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Slice of Life, War wounds, confidence building
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22350355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris_Blue/pseuds/Aeris_Blue
Summary: When the world freezes over and the sun hides away sometimes doubts begin to surface but Grillby and Gaster aim to ride through the storm.
Relationships: Grillby x Gaster, Grillster - Relationship, W. D. Gaster/Grillby
Series: Seasons of Grillster [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1251605
Comments: 15
Kudos: 61





	1. Season of Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, Welcome back! I think the winter instalment is going to be two chapters instead of three? Just kind of how it worked out. I hope you enjoy.

It was just about party time! Grillby left streaks of light behind him as he flickered in shades of excited yellow. Sparks followed him everywhere he went dancing about him like a herd of fireflies. “Bun? You ready?” He called as he draped the red and white hand knit scarf over his tacky Gyftmas sweater. It glowed with dancing little lights around a stitched on tree. This was probably a bit much but what could he say? He was from Snowdin: Gyftmas was as much a part of them as their magic.

Still no response. Well, it wasn’t unlike his partner to dislike shouting across the house. On a good day he could maybe get a few words from Gaster’s Font and of course he always told him ‘I love you’ before bed but shouting of any sort was always done through Hands… which sort of defeated the purpose of shouting. He pulled the gingerbread out of the fridge happy the icing had set.

As much of a chef as he liked to think himself as pastries just weren’t his forte. He could make some delicious batter but him and icing just did not get along. It melted so quickly in his grip that the poor cookies he’d decorated looked as if they’d been in a dreadful accident. Luckily, this year he had some help. Gaster wasn’t much when it came to artistic touches but he could make grids and geometric shapes like no one else. He said it came from his Font consisting of such a variety of lines but that didn’t change how cute the cookies looked in their little plaid sweaters.

He set the tray aside to pull out a jug of his secret eggnog. No one was allowed to know the recipe and after a single cup no one seemed focused enough to ask. His grin grew a wicked jagged yellow as he set it next to the tray. Many a good time had come from this recipe: Dogamy and Dogaressa  _ finally _ confessing their love for each other underneath a mistletoe, a rather rigorous dance between Dizzy and Ms. Hopps, and one particularly grand moment where he’d sung some old song from the Jukebox to a crowded bar. As much as he was against drinking to excess there was something freeing about a drink or two, especially in a crowd.

Every Gyftmas the town of Snowdin chose a place to commemorate their favorite holiday together. After moving to the Surface not even ‘The Pack’ lived too terribly close together so this was their big event to reunite and share stories of the past year. Stars, thinking of the sleepy town of Snowdin always made him painfully nostalgic for those days. “Bun?” He called again. 

Where was he?

Grillby walked into their bedroom not really surprised to find it empty, he knocked on the bathroom door expecting him to be in there changing but didn’t receive any response, where else was there? He wasn’t hiding in the storage room was he? Maybe he was already waiting by the door and they’d just missed each other? On the way he spot Gaster curled up on the window seat in the makeshift lounge.

There was a Gyftmas blanket with a large Gyftrot on it pulled up to his shoulders and a book opened in his lap. His good eye light glowed against the window as he stared out into the winterscape. There was supposed to be a blizzard tonight which part of the reason it had been decided that the bar would host this year. 

Gaster’s magic felt cold, distant, as if it was a shadow sneaking off to snuff the last of the sun’s lingering warmth.The coldness of his negative emotions had been hypothesized as being a part of his lingering connection to the void but that didn’t make it easier to feel it from his partner. 

Gaster had been off for the last several weeks to say the least. He laid in bed just long enough for Grillby to doze off before he would go to the other bed to occupy himself with some activity for the night. Sometimes homework from his classes, sometimes books, or notes he always thought Grillby slept through it but it was rare he did. There was something wrong about the sudden shift in his patterns but Grillby didn’t have the knowledge to grasp just what it was.

He sat down on the floor next to the bench and peeked at the book on his partner’s lap, he doesn’t gain much from skimming but at the top of the page is ‘The Invisible Man’. Grillby wasn’t too sure how to feel about this reading choice, he rubbed the back of his neck, “You at a stopping point?” He lowered his voice more than usual but it still received a flinch.

It takes a moment for Gaster’s eyes to refocus, ‘Is it time to go?’ He signs lazily.

‘Yes. It is,’ he signs simply his natural oranges fading back across his form.

Gaster’s eyes go wide as he forces a smile across his face, ‘Well then what are we waiting for?’ He slides out of his blanket, ‘I just need to put my shoes on.’ He wore a red button, down with a black vest, and a shiny christmas tree broach. ‘I can’t wait for you to see what I got you. The boys are still coming right? Storm didn’t frighten them off?’

Grillby caught his hand before he could get too far, “What’s wrong?”

‘Just a little tired is all.’

‘You’ve been  _ just a little tired _ for a few weeks love.’

His chest inflated then compressed in a huff before he slipped from the window seat to accompany Grillby on the floor. ‘I am tired.’

‘Have you tried sleeping?’ Grillby smirked.

‘I’ve been sleeping during the day, while you’re at work, I promise I have.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it’s bright out,’ he shrugged as if it was common behavior for him. ‘I just…’ he swallowed as he ran his hands across his skull, ‘this is a rough time of year for me.’

He wrapped an arm around his narrow hip, “Why?”

Gaster held his hands over Grillby’s for a long moment resting his back against him. Slowly he tapped his teeth against Grillby’s cheek letting his magic sizzle against his warmth, ‘I promise you. After this party I will tell you.’

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” He had to admit he’d be disappointed but something just wasn’t settling right.

‘I want to Starling. I want to celebrate Gyftmas with you and the boys… I’ve… never gotten to.’ He stood up using Grillby’s shoulder for balance, ‘So please, I promise I will tell you afterwards.’

“You’ll tell me if you get overwhelmed?” Grillby leveled his eyes against Gaster’s. At this point Grillby knew all of the tells: watery sockets, rattling, and fumbling his Hands. Even if Gaster tried to tough his way through it Grillby would know when it was too much.

‘Of course.’ A pair of hand bullets appeared in front of him and he used them to pull himself up, pressing just a bit more than necessary to press a quick kiss to Gaster’s teeth and taste the only type of winter he would ever love.

* * *

Outside the winds began to howl against the bar trying desperately to seap against any hairline crack in the foundation to lash against the monsters gathered within but they would never know it. All of Snowdin showed up. Of course they did, they did every year. The jukebox swallowed the wind in a mix of cheery holiday songs (along with the gloriously tacky MTT GYftmas collection). Monsters were dancing, talking, enjoying a finely concocted drink, or two, and relaxing from the hardships of the year content to just enjoy the company for a while.

The bar itself had been practically renovated with the plethora of decorations that splattered against every pillar, bench, wall, stool, if you could wrap it in tensile it was, red and green cloths decorated every table, and silver snowflakes hung from the rafters. It was a gorgeous mess that Gaster and Grillby were both proud of despite the grievances of human customers had insisted the time for such decor was over. 

With the blizzard passing through they left the door unlocked for any poor soul that happened to be out when it struck. Humans and monsters that resembled ice sculptures stepped inside shivering the blue from their face as they were passed hot chocolates and whatever towels Grillby could spare. Within minutes the cold that clung to their soul would vanish as they found themselves forced to join in the festivities.

Grillby leaned against the bar his features blurred to the point of being undefined. His whole form flickered with vibrant yellows but his cheeks burned white while his simmered in a rich blue. ‘I haven’t seen you drink in ages,’ Gaster smirked pinching at Grillby’s cheek, ‘you’re going to smile your face off.’

“Oh hush,” Grillby crackled as he batted Gaster’s hand away, “I always do a drink on Gyftmas. Helps me relax when there are so many monsters in such a small area. Stops me from burning the place down ya know?” Oh stars, maybe he was too out of practice, maybe that glass was a little too big, because that was certainly a little too honest.

‘A little liquid courage never hurt anyone, if you need a breather let me know, I’ll do my best to cover for you. I’m getting pretty good at mixing drinks.’

“You’re alright,” Grillby smirked confidently.

‘Hey.’

“You want something?” He reached behind himself for a glass, “Could make ya something mellow to help ya relax,” his words slurred into a southern accent and he clamped his hand over his mouth in embarrassment.

Gaster just looked at him with a soft fondness, ‘Not even a drop. Sorry, can’t touch the stuff even on Gyftmas.’

“You’ve never told me why you are so,” what word was he wanting? Obsti-obsti, “stubborn about it.” Okay, he needed to burn a bit off. His chest grew warmer and the white left his cheeks but his chest still burned a subtle blue. 

‘I just don’t like what it does to me is all,’ he shrugged. ‘So,’ his hands pounced playfully atop Grillby’s before he pressed his face closer. The playful look in his eyelights had him, what else could he do but lean forward and ki—, ‘So what did you get me for Gyftmas?’ Gaster leaned back casually with a mocking smile which left Grillby to cup the air with his lips. 

Fisher snickered in amusement despite doing his best to look like he hadn’t noticed. Even on the Surface the monster didn’t have an ounce of luck with the ladies in fact it seemed to have grown worse. Still, he seemed content to just stick his bill in Grillby’s love life whenever he could.

“I’m not telling you Bun that defeats the purpose,” Grillby smirked returning to polishing some recently emptied glasses. He looked over to the Gyftmas tree, it wasn’t anything like the one back in Snowdin, just a small little pine they set up by the exterior window but it was decorated to the yards in colorful ornaments and presents flocked about the base.

Gyftrot had decided it best to stay in the Underground but that didn’t stop the adults from raising a drink in apology. There was still a community bought gift for the poor monster if they happened to show. It was placed under the tree every year just in case the monster happened to make an appearance.

“Dance floor is open,” Grillby hummed.

‘No way,’ Gaster scoffed, ‘there are way too many people here.’

“Bunny baby look—“

Gaster cackled, ‘Bunny baby?’

Grillby had to back track a bit to find where he’d slipped, “Bun come on it’s Gyftmas. Do you plan on making sure the bar is sturdy all night?”

‘Of course not but I’m not going to make a fool of myself in front of all these monsters.’ His eyelights flicked over to Fisher on one side of him then to Doggo in the far corner. 

“You won’t Bun, you’ve gotten really good at it!” This could be just the confidence boost Gaster needed, he had no doubt that even if they stumbled their way through a waltz the monsters of Snowdin would cheer without restraint. He just needed to see how open and welcoming everyone was then he’d feel better. “We won’t do the lindy hop or anything.”

‘I should say not!’ His face flushed with a pale yellow at just the thought of it. Wait, yellow? Was that a new one? When the black of the void gave was his natural purple magic would spring into his cheekbones like lilacs, what was yellow? Grillby was barely an inch away from Gaster’s face as he studied the new color with his fingers cupped under his boney chin. ‘Grillby please,’ Gaster signed as discreetly as possible.

“Oh sorry,” he rubbed his eyes, “but don’t sell yourself short. You’ve gotten really good at the flicks.” He did a quick little Charleston style turn behind the bar to receive a cheer from the monsters on the stools. “Thank you,” he smiled. “See Bun they love it! But if you aren’t feelin’ it that’s fine. We could waltz instead.”

‘There aren’t any Gyftmas or Christmas or whatever songs that are good to waltz to,’ he signed obstinately. ‘Can I have a cup of coffee?’ He suddenly seemed very interested in entertaining his hands with more than signs.

Alright, that was a no on the dancing, that was fine. He hummed as he poured a mug of coffee trying to think of something else that could help Gaster get out of his shell. These were the monsters of Snowdin! They were friendly and hospitable and they had all been asking Grillby so many questions about the mysterious stranger that appeared out of nowhere. 

Actually, he had an idea, he set the mug in front of Gaster then disappeared into the back to retrieve a few trays of sweets. “Hey Bun do you want to help me pass these out?”

Gaster’s eyes were shut as he savored the taste of the coffee, ‘A little early for desserts don’t you think?’

“Eh,” he shrugged with a tray in each hand, “it’s the holidays so who cares? It’s extra sugar no one really needs either way.”

‘That’s fine,’ he watched Grillby set the trays down, ‘you haven’t heard from the boys have you? It’s not like Papyrus to allow Sans to make him more than five minutes late in this sort of weather.’ 

Grillby pulled out his phone to check, “Oh. They said the weather is too bad to drive. Sans is trying to get up enough energy to shortcut them both but Papyrus would rather walk.”

Gaster checked his phone with a worried expression, ‘They texted you?’

“Is that okay?”

‘Of course,’ he signed hastily, ‘they just probably thought I would worry too much.’ His thumb fussed with the volume button.

“They’ll be fine,” Grillby assured him, “you know Sans will talk Papyrus into a shortcut.”

‘They’ll be fine,’ he signed more to himself than Grillby. He stared at his hands for a long while before he grabbed the trays, ‘Right I have forced social interaction to get to,’ he chuckled.

“Bun,” Grillby spoke softly, “you’re alright, aren't you?”

‘I’m fine,’ a pair of hands bullets attempted to assure him.

There was that feeling of wrongness again. Grillby’s eyes studied his partner’s sockets, then the square of his shoulders, and finally his hands nothing seemed amiss but something was off. If Gaster didn’t seem bothered by it though he wasn’t going to make him stress over it by bringing it up.

“Let me take one,” Gaster offered one of the trays to his outstretched hands. 

‘You sure you’re sober enough?’ He winked.

Grillby sparked at the question, “I have done more with far more in me than this.”

‘I know,’ Gaster smiled, ‘I’ve seen it.’

The tray he’d been handed was full of a variety of different fudges and he only hoped they would go fast enough not to melt in his touch. Gaster considered him for a moment longer before he turned to the crowd with his tray of seasonally decorated chocolate caramel pretzels and gingerbread men. Of course everyone took to them. His precise linework was wonderful, charming even, and the festive colors were exactly what the monsters were after. 

Grillby got to work passing out his own tray of fudge not bothering to fuss with the children that scooped several off the tray at once. They turned it into a game of sorts trying to steal food off his tray without him noticing, of course he did, and as long as they didn’t waste the sweets he didn’t mind. So many monsters he hadn’t seen in a year flocked to greet him now that the bar wasn’t between him and them. 

Dizzy was a whole year sober and everyone was super proud of her. Ms.Hopps, his favorite dance teacher, was now a proud Grandmother of three new bunnies to their massive clan. Bonnie had been offered the opportunity to sell her Cinnabunny recipe to Muffet and she asked for his opinion on the matter. Then there was Red, Grillby let out a soft sigh to see her peck a hawk like monster on the beak, she’d finally found someone who could do her right. He was happy for her.

Occasionally he would glance up from his conversations to see Gaster shoot him a soft sad smile that he couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t long before his tray was empty and moved to the side. Gaster tried to join in the conversations but no one seemed to recognize the phantom hands that followed him were for conversing. Before too long he moved back to the bar to watch everyone from atop a stool.

Whatever this funk was about he wasn’t going to be able to shake it so easily. Grillby tried to cross back to the bar to talk to him but he was cut off by Bonnie, “No Fuku again this year?”

Grillby rubbed the back of his neck, “She really tried to come this year but her school project kinda demands her attention. Plus ya know human schools don’t really treat this as a real holiday.”

“Shame really,” she smiled, “but she is doing good isn’t she? I miss our little emerald ember.”

“Yeah, she's having a blast: she loves school, and her job, and just being up here continues to be so good for her.”

“I’m glad but she doesn’t seem to be the only one,” she elbowed him playfully. “Is Snowdin’s most eligible bachelor finally settling down?”

“You make it sound like I was pounding the pavement or something,” he sparked.

“Oh you know no one would ever accuse you of that,” she smiled, “but it is nice to see you commit to someone for so long.”

“I was with Red longer,” he stated flatly his fleck like eyes moved over to her without much thought.

“True,” she looked over to Gaster, “I just have a really good feeling about this one I suppose.”

His flames speckled with a nearly white cyan, “Well you’ve guessed almost every successful couple so I’ll take that.”

“It’s a gift,” she winked.

“Hey Grillby! Can I have some more nog?” Fisher barked from the bar, usually that loud of a shout would make Gaster flinch but he barely registered it over all of the noise in the bar.

“Coming right up,” Grillby did his best to roar over the crowd but he was lucky if anyone but Bonnie heard him. He slipped through the crowd up to the bar and pulled the egg nog out from the fridge under the counter, poured a glass, and passed it to Fisher who thanked him readily. That would probably be his last glass for the night.

Gaster was still watching the assorted monsters like he hadn’t even noticed Grillby was a few feet behind him. He dimmed his flames as much as he could and allowed them to burn warmly. As stealthily as he could muster he hovered his head over Gaster’s shoulder, “How are you enjoying the party Bun?”

Nothing. Not even so much as a twitch. How lost in thought was he? “Gaster?” He tried again only to receive the same result. Something fell heavy and cold against his soul. “Bun? Gaster?” He reached out to touch him but Gaster stood up and walked through the crowd without recognition that anyone was there. Gaster only paused when he reached the other side of the bar to give the room one last small sad smile. His sockets were devoid of that sparkling curiosity, his features were shadowed and grim, there was nothing there that reminded him of his partner, it was as if he wasn’t there at all.

The feeling of wrongness pinched his soul in a way that compelled him to sprint across the bar floor. It didn’t make sense none of his tells were evident, he seemed a little off but over all fine, but that emptiness did not belong to his Bun. 

The room fell quiet as all eyes fell on the fiery bartender, “Dings?” He reached out slowly well aware of the distasteful magic swirling around his partner like an inopportune storm. His mind raced with questions trying to piece together what exactly what was happening. Those empty sockets sent shivers down his core as they stared vaguely in the area of his outreached hand.

Something akin to a train taking its’ first clicks down the track slipped past Gaster’s teeth. His gaze locked into a question no one could understand. His fingers stretched with the force of a growing seedling to gently tap against Grillby’s. At the moment of contact a faint light appeared in his good socket. For a long while he stood there staring questioningly into Grillby’s glasses with his teeth ever so slightly parted. Never once did his eyelight flick over to the other monsters around him it just stared into his white eyes.

“I’m right here Bun,” he opened his arms slowly in invitation.

‘You…’ His fingers gestured uncertainly before he took a stumbling step forward. He crashed all of his meager weight into Grillby’s chest. With shaking hands Gaster grasped Grillby’s sweater tightly before a rattle began to assault the air around them. 

Grillby held him as close as was possible, “Come on, let's go back home.” His voice was a soft warm whisper against the top of Gaster’s head. The monsters of Snowdin made a big display of acting like they hadn’t just witnessed whatever that was.

He had to practically carry Gaster up the steps with how heavily he was leaning on him. There were so many questions he wanted answered but he wasn’t going to ask the small frail skeleton that seemed under the impression Grillby was the only real thing in the world. Finally, they settled atop Gaster’s rarely used bed. 

Immediately he made a nest of the blankets around him. They hid his meager frame like a hooded capelet before he leaned against Grillby. The blankets were cumbersome, he wanted to hold Gaster close as he possibly could, but they were so thick he could hardly feel his partner’s frame at all. Still he held him as tight as they allowed doing his best to burn a pleasant warmth as Gaster tried to find his breath.

Grillby was plenty patient. He gave Gaster his time and then he gave some more as the skeleton shuddered out whatever had happened. There came a point though where his soul ached with not knowing where he couldn’t just let it go any longer. He fished his hand under the blankets to find Gaster’s arm but Gaster latched onto it instead. His cold hands entrapped the arm with a sturdy grip. 

“Bun,” his voice crackled in his throat like a warm hearth, “whatever you are willing to tell me is fine, but I need something.”

Gaster raised Grillby’s hand to his teeth and pecked his finger softly before he placed it against the side of his face. Grillby’s thumb worked its’ way along his cheekbones tracing just under his damp sockets. “I love you,” he assured him.

“I love you,” he replied in that strange Font of his, ‘so, so much,’ a pair of hand bullets agreed.

The pair went silent again as they tried to put their thoughts into proper alignment. Just as Grillby was about to prompt Gaster he sighed: ‘I’m so sorry I ruined Gyftmas for you.’

“Nothing is ruined you don’t need to apologize.”

‘I- I thought I was better, I thought I was doing better, I was fine! I was better.’

“You are better Bun,” he rubbed his face against the blankets, “so much better. Just think about all of the things you can do now! This time last year you were just barely losing your avoidance to sunlight. You’ve come so far.”

‘It doesn’t feel like it.’

“Maybe not, but we all walk at our own pace.” He pressed his lips together in a slight hum, “It took me a long time to get over Ashfall didn’t it?” In truth he doubted he would ever truly be over it but he was better, just like Gaster. Gaster nodded in solemn agreeance though his eyes were sadder when they looked at him as if they could still see the pains from that battle. 

“Has this sort of episode happened before?” Gaster nodded again but before his fist could slide over his soul to apologize Grillby grabbed it. “Don’t apologize, please, just talk to me.”

‘Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m real,’ he draped his head over Grillby’s shoulder, ‘that’s still pretty common, you normally comment that I’m acting a bit off on those days.’

“You’ve told me about that but this was something else.”

‘Not really,’ his hand bullets fidgeted with themselves as Gaster worried his own fingers, ‘it’s just a worse version of that. Sometimes I convince myself that I’m really not here at all. That the last few years are a part of a dream.’

Grillby wrapped his free arm around Gaster’s back to hold him firmly to his side. He was real. He was real and right here. The idea that he could just forget something like that was terrifying. Gaster was quickly becoming a continent in Grillby’s small world so he didn’t want him to ever feel like he was unimportant.

‘When I lived with the boys it happened a bit more. I umm, well,’ he sighed as he shook out a building rattle. ‘When I died, when I disappeared, fell into the void? I really don’t know what to call it.’ He chuckled nervously to himself, ‘I wasn’t really gone… at least not right away.’

His eyelight pointed up into Grillby’s glasses before they turned back to his fidgeting hands. ‘I could do little things like turn off the stove when Papyrus left it on, pull up the blankets when Sans would kick them off in the middle of a nightmare, just little things but even in that state I just wanted to help them… since I stole so much from them.’

He wiped his watery sockets to prevent Grillby from doing so, ‘It was silly but it gave me hope until a few weeks later. We were supposed to celebrate Gyftmas for the first time together. Papyrus had been pestering me for years,’ he smiled fondly. ‘Then… at the party. They finally got to lighten up, forget about the nagging sense they were forgetting something, and just really smile.’

Grillby kissed the top of Gaster’s head as his rattle returned, ‘I’m a terrible father.’

“No you’re not.”

‘Yes I am! I saw the smiling faces of my boys, of my sons and I just--’ His hands slipped down to his lap. ‘I saw those smiles and I just-- realized how happy they could be without me. That these stupid little things I was doing was fo rme not them. Four weeks of clinging to them like some sinister shadow and I finally understood what had happened to me.’

“Four weeks ?” Grillby asked a pit of ice lined his stomach when he received a nod. Four weeks before Gyftmas that was when he met Fuku for the first time. Just a tiny little hearthstone with a green flame around it. There had been a terrible earthquake around then that dislodged something in the Core to create a disaster that destroyed the southern living district of the capital. That was what had made his darling little ember. 

He’d called that the happiest day of his life. Meeting her. Raising her. His life hadn’t really started until that moment at least not a life that he remembered. But that was the day he lost Gaster, that same disaster had stolen his life long companion from him and he didn’t even recall. He didn’t even mourn.

Grillby almost missed when Gaster’s bullets started to move again. ‘It took, a while, for me to really realize I wasn’t anything to this world anymore. Once I did I couldn’t see any of you but through glimpses the void allowed. Before long even that hurt too much and I. I gave up Grillby. I didn’t care if I saw you or  _ my sons _ or anyone ever again.

“But you’re here now. You’re here with us, with me, your friends, your sons,” Grillby coaxed his sockets up to him, “you don’t need to worry about that anymore.”

‘How can I not worry about it? Everyday I’m constantly reminded about it!’ His expression was as bitter as coffee grounds as he pushed to sit up on his own.

Grillby’s shoulders slouched and he dropped his hands to the bed, “I thought…” Gaster had sworn time and time again that it was fine that he didn’t remember that it didn’t bother him but that was obviously not the case. He didn’t understand anything he never did. 

It was his fault wasn’t it? He should have been able to remember someone as important as Gaster, someone who had been there since the very beginning. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry,” he cupped his face in his hands as soot began to waft lazily from his form. Someone should have remembered him, someone should have been there when he took his first steps out of the void and coaxed him back to himself with warm fuzzy memories. His flames drew close to his core as his soot like tears began to settle across the comforter.

Cold, coarse, fingers wrapped around his wrists in a feathersoft touch that would have left him yearning for more any other time but now… he just felt disgusted with himself. Still, he let his hands be pulled from his face to see Gaster’s eyes lit with worry. That familiar purple magic was hot across his cheeks as emotions filled his sockets. ‘I’m sorry too,’ his shoulders pinched towards his jaw line, ‘this shouldn’t have happened. It’s my fault, I promise I don’t blame you.’

Gaster wrapped his arms underneath Grillby’s which he in turn secured his own around his partner’s tiny frame. For a long time they stayed that way, bound to each other, grounding one another in the idea that they were both real, that they were there, and there for each other. Gaster’s wet tear tracks were decorated with Grillby’s free falling soot as they clung to each other. Eventually they laid across the bed utterly exhausted from the emotions they had been side stepping for so long.

Once the rattles faded and the last of the soot had settled they laid in each others grip exchanging soft peck like kisses to the brow, to the chin, to anywhere that they could reach with their energy sapped by their emotions. Then, for the first time, they talked openly about their frustrations with the strange situation they were in, how it hurt them, how they found so much comfort in knowing that no matter what the other one was there. They both shook with emotions they had tried so hard to swallow down for the others benefit nestling closer and closer until there was no distinguishing bone from flame.

‘I know this isn’t how you wanted to spend Gyftmas,’ Gaster signed shakily.

“It is,” Grillby drew his partner close when his brows arched in puzzlement, “I wanted to spend it with you.”

‘I wanted to spend it with you too,’ he rubbed at his sockets which smeared soot across his face, ‘but I was hoping it would be a bit more… Merry, than this?’

This was Gaster’s first time really giving Gyftmas a chance. Last year was the first year the skeleton brothers missed and it must have been because of, well, this. Maybe the big Snowdin Gyftmas wasn’t the right way to go but he could still make something of it. “I’ll be right back,” he hugged him tight a bit delighted when Gaster clung to him. “I promise it will just be a few minutes.”

His good eyelight was a warm streetlight marking the way home, ‘I’m timing you.’

Grillby’s laugh was more snapping than crackling but it was warm nonetheless, “Start your watch then.”

Despite being timed Grillby took his time stretching his legs and arms a bit as he made his way to the front door to stoke his flames back to their usual shades. When he made it about halfway back down to the bar heads began to turn his way, “He’s going to be fine,” he assured them. ‘I’m going to be a bit longer upstairs though if you want to let the kids start opening their presents.’

He crossed to the bar where Red had taken up an old spot pouring drinks, ‘Thanks we’ll catch up later.’

“No problem,” she chirped, “do what you need to do.” Grillby smiled fondly as he grabbed the christmas tree cookie jar.

“Is Dad alright?” Papyrus practically materialized beside him wringing his gloves and begging for an answer. Sans stood beside him the definition of unconcerned but the fact that he was right there indicated otherwise.

“He’s fine,” Grillby assured him as he made his way to the tree next, “I will fill you both in shortly.” He grabbed Gaster’s gift to him and his gift to Gaster from under the tree. “I promise,” he assured him as he turned to sprint up the steps. 

“Wait Grillby!” Bonnie grabbed a small thin box from under the tree, “Would you open this as well?”

He eyed the box curiously, “Of course.”

When he returned to his home above the bar he wasn’t surprised to see Gaster leaning in the entryway, ‘Six minutes and eighteen seconds.’

Grillby shook his head, “Your boys arrived safe and sound.”

Immediately relief flushed his features, ‘Good, I was… I was really worried. I know they’re adults but, I couldn’t reach them…’ Realization settled over Grillby’s flames like a warm gust: he couldn’t get in contact with his boys, like he wasn’t actually there. They just didn’t want him to worry but it took all control away from Gaster. Being amongst a crowd of near strangers who didn’t recognize his way of speaking meant he couldn’t affect the world around him after he was rid of the treats. Which meant… This feeling had a root and one that Grillby could negate. 

For a moment a streak of self loathing navy striped through his flames as he realized how simply he could have avoided it. He just had to prove to Gaster he was there if he’d had held his hand or stayed by him or brought him up to others it wouldn’t have happened. It was his own over eagerness for Gaster to celebrate amongst the crowd that did this-- but if he would have done that how much longer would it have been before they talked about the damage the void had caused? They both needed that. It was just unfortunate it had come at the expense of Gaster’s pride.

‘So what do you have there?’ Gaster’s smile was soft, more in his eyes than his teeth, but it was there.

“You’ll see,” Grilby set the cookie jar in the center of the kitchen table and laid the three simple boxes around it. “I know it’s not the whole shindig but hopefully this is enough.”

Gaster pecked his cheek, ‘You’re enough.’

They sat around the table, under their cookie jar tree, and exchanged their gifts to each other. Gaster’s fingers were nimbler than his own so it was no surprise that he had uncovered his gift first. It was one of those rarely used cameras that were coming back into style again: the ones that printed the pictures themselves. The camera itself was painfully modern made almost entirely plastic with a dark purple shell but Gaster’s eyes lit up like a child’s which had Grillby burning bright. 

That smile had yellows rolling through Grillby this was so ridiculously normal after the emotional fit they just had. Shouldn’t they be wallowing in it still or something? Maybe that was the case but Grillby much preferred this.

“Those few lingering pictures of you were done with a camera like this right?”

Gaster chuckled, ‘Significantly older but yes. I had salvaged one from the dump…’ He quickly opened the box to retrieve the device, ‘everything is digital nowadays I just figured these were outdated.’

“It might be hard to get a shot of animals with it because they are pretty noisy but I’m sure you’ll find a use for it.” He had wanted to get him one of those super expensive cameras that are used in nature magazines to take extreme close ups of wild animals but he knew Gaster wouldn’t want him spending a ton of money. Maybe someday he would work up the nerve to impose one on him for an anniversary or something.

‘Thank you,’ he fidgeted with the camera for a moment, ‘I umm, didn’t want to ask you for money to spend on your gift. So it’s not really anything… like this.’

Grillby picked at the wrapping paper to find a picture frame made of small pieces of scrap metal melded together. The picture was a very recent one of Grillby scooping Fuku into his arms in a warm fiery hug at Ebott Park. It was just a few months ago but it seemed so much longer. “Thank you.”

‘The metal works club at school was throwing out a bunch of small pieces and I figured I could make something of them.’

“You made the frame?” Grillby sparked as he turned it over in his hands.

‘The soldering isn’t the best, I’m a bit rusty, but I figured I could handle something like that.’ He fidgeted with his fingers, ‘I’m glad you like it.’

“I do.”

Their eyes bore into one another warmly before Gaster’s fell to the last box. ‘What’s that one?’

“I don’t know, Bonnie wanted us to open it,” Grillby picked it up then forced Gaster to share a single seat with him or risk being sat on top of. They pulled the lid off together to reveal a bundle of green tied at the ends with a red ribbon. Sparks rained from Grillby as he tried to resist laughing: of course she did.

‘What’s that?’ Gaster asked with knitted brows.

“You’ve seen all those silly Christmas flicks what do you think it is?” Gaster eyed him before he retrieved the plant from the box to hold it by the bow as if it were a bouquet. “The other way,” Grillby smirked.

When Gaster flipped it the other way he caught on with a ridiculous bashful smile. Before he could comment Grillby wrapped a hand around Gaster’s shoulder to pull him close, then cupped his chin with his fingers, “Merry Gyftmas,” he breathed before locking himself against Gaster’s teeth. 

All of their emotions were still frayed like livewires and they could taste it in their kiss. Anxieties and fears mingled with hopes and desires but as they dug deeper there was an undeniable joy in each others presence a sense of security and faith that neither were exactly accustomed to but they welcomed it. As they welcomed each other to prod about each others magic. Yes, this was the only taste of winter Grillby felt he would ever yearn for.


	2. Season of Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Valentine’s Day but Grillby has to work so they make due with what they can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day! I plan on celebrating the ‘holiday’ by buying myself a nice heart shaped pizza and playing video games :P maybe drawing instead gotta get through work first ^^

“Gaster, we said no surprises,” Grillby sighed as he was lead with a hand over his face up an oddly familiar path. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was but there was something to it that told him he wasn’t anywhere new. It wouldn’t be too hard to peek through the hole in his partner's hand but he kept his promise.

It was All Souls Day, or Valentines Day if you wanted. Unfortunately Grillby had trouble telling his employees they weren’t allowed to take a day off when they asked for it. Which meant he was working on the only real holiday for couples. To spare Grillby’s feelings they had promised no gifts, nothing special, they were just going to dress up in their nicest clothes after closing and push a few brooms around.

Gaster though, didn’t seem capable of missing the intention of the holiday two years in a row. Hopefully whatever it was wasn’t anything too over the top. Gaster knew that would make him upset he didn’t do anything right?

When the hand was dropped from his eyes he was certainly surprised to find Alphys’s house in front of them. Well, it certainly wasn’t exciting but he was a bit relieved by that. ‘Alphys and I have been working on a project I wanted to share with you.’

Good, it was just a coincidence that he wanted to share it today. Gaster let himself in through the front door and called out to Alphys at the top of the stairs to the basement. She yipped in shock before welcoming them downstairs. 

Where Gaster looked right at home amongst the menacing silver objects Grillby found himself trying to shirk away from them. They felt so cold, meticulous, and expensive he worried his mere breath could harm them somehow. Gaster sat down atop a fold out chair and Grillby looked around nervously for another one before Alphys offered one to him.

‘Alphys and I have been working on a simple experiment but we set today to do a field test of sorts.’

Alphys came out from the other room with a box that she opened in front of Grillby. He had no idea what the bulky strip of leather with silver lines on it was. “We’ve b-been working on th-this for several months and we think we m-might have s-something to show for it.”

He noticed the way Gaster took a shiver of a breath and expelled that crisp frigid air that felt refreshing against his flames. It wasn’t until Alphys crossed over to him and began to attach the leather strap to his throat that Grillby knew why he was acting so nervous. “What is this for?”

‘It’s a surprise, just give it a minute and I’ll show you.’

His worry was replaced with a tinge of jealousy as he watched Alphys slip two wires down Gaster’s shirt then press them against his ribs. They’d lived together for four months now and he’d still yet to really see or feel Gaster. There was always some thin shielding between them that Grillby didn’t have the strength to tear through. Stars he hadn’t even seen the monster without socks on before! 

_No_ , he cut his thoughts off abruptly. No. He couldn’t press Gaster about that. Anytime it came up the skeleton looked down right ashamed of his shyness and that sorry expression of his writhed about in Grillby’s chest like a disgusting worm. But he knew it wasn’t wrong of himself to want that. To have that sensation of his blistering heat against Gaster’s smoldering cold, his fluid form against his rigid one, his smokey taste to his earthen one. He wanted to run his fingers along every vertebrae and press his bare chest against his without a single ounce of a barrier between them.

Gaster had lowered so many walls he’d erected between them and Grillby was lowering shields he didn’t even know he was carrying. They were so close and he’d never been happier in a relationship that lasted this long but there was an itch he couldn’t discard. It wasn’t like they were compatible species but there was still, he audibly sighed without realizing, he had the need for it.

‘I promise this will be fine,’ Gaster assured him slipping his hand atop his lap, ‘I’m too old to push it like I used to.’

It hadn’t even connected in his head that Gaster was using himself as a test dummy for this peculiar fashion statement. Whatever it was it was supposed to _do_ something and it was attached to his Bun. A worried teal twirled about his fingers as he fixated on the collar.

“A-alright Gaster you are good to go,” Alphys tapped a button on her tablet.

For an eerily cold moment Gaster just considered Grillby with his good eye light that shined with an emotion he couldn’t place. Perhaps he was nervous? But his eyelight was so bright. Whatever that collar was he really wanted it to work. His long thin fingers wrapped around Grillby’s and he pulled them close to his chest. Another nervous breath then he parted his teeth, “Grillby. I love you.”

There was an accent in the voice that Grillby couldn’t place but there was a warmth that he could recognize immediately. That was Gaster’s voice… and he understood it. Yellows crackled merrily through his form, “Bun… I, I understood that,” he shook his head, “but I always do.”

Gaster laughed, the tone a bit sharp from the emotion in his sockets, “I know… But If I could say anything to you it’s--” a cracking pop replaced his words and Gaster quickly released his hands to grab the collar, ‘Stop.’ He signed hastily and Alphys’s hands were almost immediately around the device. “Are you okay?” Grillby muttered as the initial panic gave way to concern.

Once free of the device Gaster rubbed his throat, ‘Yes I’m fine. Seems it can’t be that simple.’ At that he tilted his jaw to the side, ‘Alphys I’m going to use your bathroom to check for damages I’ll be right back.’

“I can check,” Grillby rose to his feet but Gaster smiled that simple dismissive smile of his.

‘Don’t worry I’ve got this it won’t take long at all.’

With that he was left with Alphys who was meticulously checking over the little silver wires. All this time when Gaster had mentioned working with Alphys he had imagined them making some huge breakthrough that would revolutionize the Surface for the better. Something more along the lines of the Core and less… well, personal. 

Did his voice still bother him that much? Sure, there were times it was inconvenient but that didn’t matter to Grillby. Unless, had he said something about it at some point? Had he said something dismissive about his voice? He shook the thoughts free and focused on Alphys picking away at the the wires on the inside of the collar. “Hey, Alphys? What’s that device _for_ exactly?”

Alphys’s frills perked up before she turned to him, “O-oh I guess umm I could explain that.” She set the collar aside, “Doctor-- err. Gaster came to me l-last summer with this sketch of s-some idea that had just popped in his head.” 

Yeah, that happened a lot. Gaster would be mid conversation or even mid kiss then just scurry away to write something down. It was a part of his charm: the brilliant scientist always working at making the world better. Even if it ruined a mood or two he couldn’t bring himself to get upset over it when Gaster was so passionately skritching away at a notebook.

“H-he’s not the only mon-ster that has to deal with a l-language barrier, so to speak. He theorizes that th-this device can overlay essentially a Font like what skeletons use. T-testing it on a skeleton who already has a Font seemed ideal for the first run.”

“So, it wasn’t because of anything I said?” He caught the small curlet of a flame that liked to linger at the base of his neck.

“Hmm?” She eyed him curiously, “Oh, oh no nothing like that!” Nervous pink blossomed in her cheeks, “No, he’s umm, quite h-happy I would say. He t-talks about you,” she giggled, “a lot I honestly c-can’t think of a n-negative thing he’s said outside of you putting h-his notebooks i-into the drawer as s-soon as he walks away.”

That was it? The only crime he had committed was that?

Gaster crossed back to Alphys from the washroom, ‘No damage to the soul and only a slight burn where the connector was. It seems to have overheated. We must not have it set right for my magic.’

“I-I would suggest that soul of yours has v-varying complications we need to know about b-but you h-haven’t allowed me to--”

He tapped his teeth together, ‘I’m sorry but that is a very personal matter.’

Grillby pulled out his phone before the science lingo started flying about the room. It went way over his head, always did, some days he would try to look like he understood but he had things to do today. “Hey Bun? You can stay if you want but I need to get to work.”

‘Oh no, I’ll walk back with you,’ Gaster trot up to his side, ‘text me anything you find Alphys.’

“W-will do but uh, probably not tonight, Undyne gets off soon, and you know, the holiday,” Alphys fidgeted with her claws as her yellow was drowned out by a hot pink. 

‘Of course,’ Gaster smiled, ‘I hope you two enjoy your evening.’

“I’m sure we will,” she squeaked.

Once they were outside Gaster wrapped his hand around Grillby’s then rubbed his cheekbone against his shoulder, ‘What do you think?’ A pair of hand bullets asked.

“I think you’re amazing,” a pestering glint burned in his flecks which placed a sheen over his glasses, “I think you’re talented, brilliant, clever--” Gaster bumped his hip against his and Grillby laughed, “What? You asked.”

‘Of the device silly.’

“I love you just how you are.”

‘I know, and I love you for it, but… I don’t know, a part of me misses talking to you. I know you love me without it but I still miss it.’ Grillby wasn’t lying when he said Gaster’s voice didn’t bother him but he did miss just talking sometimes. Mostly in the truck or when rushing through the house to get ready. It would be nice to have that again but he liked the feeling of their hands joined a lot more. As long as they had that he was fine.

“That’s just a prototype right?”

‘Of course the final product won’t be so,’ his hand bullets rolled in the air, ‘zappy.’

The uncommonly warm air brushed past them as Grillby chuckled. It was nice to take a breath like this: warm air, good company, the last of shuffling leaves rattling nearby free of their icy imprisonment. The weather was supposed to take a turn for the worse this weekend but for now he saw to it to enjoy as much as he could with the monster he loved.

* * *

The bar was crammed with crooning couples and desperate singles all nestled in the hot pink, red, and white cocoon worth of decorations. If any customer left without being adorned in glitter they had done something wrong while decorating. The orders were relentless but the pair still tried to make the most of the day with a little game.

‘It’s your turn Starling,’ Gaster leaned lazily on the bar counter as he sipped at his cinnamon hot chocolate.

“Sorry,” Grillby hummed as he lined a margarita glass with salt. “Okay I got one.” He passed the glass down to the server’s tray then leaned against the counter until he was face to face with Gaster. “You really haven’t ever had feelings for another monster, not a giggly blush in your cheeks, a throbbing in your soul, or a twisting butterfly feeling that fills your guts?”

‘I’ve found others attractive before but nothing past that,’ he answered simply but his hands hesitated as his eyelights seemed to roam off. ‘Well, wait,’ his fingers drummed against the bar, ‘I guess… knowing that the way I felt about you could evolve into, this,’ he gestured vaguely between them, ‘then yes. There was one other monster I might have had feelings for.’

“Oh do tell,” a yellow line seared across his face as he teased an answer from Gaster. He was well aware these questions were much more fun for him than his partner, after all Gaster remembered everything from before the void, but he wasn’t going to stop enjoying it because of that. They did their best to be open to one another but neither liked to pry so a simple game like this was the best way to get answers.

Gaster clicked his teeth together in a display of bashfulness, ‘I don’t think you ever met them.’

“Then tell me about them,” he smirked and started to mix a new order of drinks for the cat and alligator monsters sitting on the other end of the bar. 

‘Their name was Angeletta, they were a skeleton with one of those unfairly pretty Fonts,’ he rested his head on his hand, ‘and they had the most stunning emerald eyes. Whether I was entranced to them due to the sheer strength of their green magic, which I was morbidly fascinated with, or actual attraction I’m uncertain.’ He sipped on his hot chocolate, ‘They called me beautiful in a time I thought I was the most repulsive thing in the Underground.’

“What do you mean?”

Gaster smirked and placed his hands over his partner’s then pulled them close to his chest with less than an inch between them he smiled: ‘You are beautiful.’ Grillby’s flames pitched to the side as yellow sparkled vibrantly across his features. ‘See? Just like that they would say it.’

“Gotta say that’s a pretty good line,” Grillby smiled as he set the drinks in front of the customers. 

“Thanks a lot Grillbz,” the purple cat purred with a wave of her paw.

“Yeah like so much,” the alligator agreed happily accepting her GrassHopper.

“Your turn Bun,” Grillby returned to his previous spot in anticipation of his question.

He sat up straight with a wicked grin, ‘Of your incredibly long list of exes who do you miss the most and why?’

“Incredibly long?” He crackled, “Sorry if a monster with a lifespan as long as mine has been with a few monsters.” A bell rang in the back and he quickly moved the tray from the window to the bar with a quick glance in the direction of the nearest server. His exes spanned from the incredibly memorable, for good and bad reasons, to barely a memory. He bit down trying not to recall forgetting Gaster.

“I mean probably Red,” he twisted the licks of flame on the back of his neck, “she was a big help with Fuku and we were together a long time. We just… weren’t compatible species. She loved Fuku but she wanted a big family and I couldn’t do that for her.” Cyan licked through his flames, “And I wasn’t very open to alternatives so… yeah, simple as that.”

‘That sounds really complicated,’ Gaster smirked. 

“That’s probably a better word for it,” Grillby agreed.

‘Not N-A-I-D-Y-N?’

Now there was a name he hadn’t thought about in a long time. Up until the point he met Naidyn he figured he was only attracted to other flames and that only other flames would be attracted to him. Then there was Naidyn. An incredibly strong, toned, humanoid fish monster, who was everything but a flame. That fang filled smile still brought warmth to his cheeks just to think about it.

“That was my first crush! No I don’t think about him that much.” Oh stars, that meant Gaster knew about him, which meant he’d heard all of the awkward stories, and had probably seen the pathetic displays. His flames ruptured with pale blue lights. 

Gaster seemed genuinely surprised but he smiled shyly down into his hot chocolate, ‘You’re my first crush.’ 

_So cute_ , Grillby cooed internally knowing Gaster wasn’t a big fan of the word. Well, maybe that wasn’t quite the case he just always looked so doubting when Grillby called him that. He couldn’t resist, he pecked a kiss to the top of his partner’s skull but recoiled quickly at the hissing laughter from the two monsters down the bar. 

“M-my turn right,” he cleared his throat. “If we were to break up--”

“OMG Catty I told you they weren’t just flirting!”

“Bratty you were right! I can’t believe it!”

A panicked look was shot his way and he placed his hand comfortingly atop his partner’s, “If we were to break up what would you do?” Both of them were freckled with their own shades of embarrassment as they tried to tune them out.

‘I don’t really like thinking about that,’ hand bullets signed as his free hand clasped Grillby’s. ‘I guess…’ his shoulders lowered as he thought, ‘I would probably ask to move back in with the boys then disappear into schoolwork or some project or another.’

“How long before you’d start dating again?”

‘Grillby… I’m centuries old, I’ve never felt the way I feel about you before. I don’t see myself finding anyone else. If we broke up I’d have tried it, learned it didn’t work for me, and move on.’

The idea of Gaster being alone the rest of his life didn’t settle well against his hearthstone. He knew the monster’s habits well enough to know that he would just shut down for a while with a blanket draped around him and pretend the world would just make sense again. He was quickly realizing he didn’t want to think about this question either.

“Heya Mr.Grillby,” the alligator called, “you know you could do like so much better don’t you?”

Grillby froze, an odd thing for a flame to do but every tongue of flame on his body held painfully still: _Gaster didn’t hear that right?_

“Oh my god Bratty I can’t believe you said it,” the purple cat batted her purple paws at her alligator friend.

Grillby did his best not to glare, “My love life is not your concern.”

“But like you’re super hot,” Bratty insisted.

He did his best not to scoff at that exhausted line as his flecks fell over to Gaster who was leaning on the counter with his head in his hands and his sockets closed. He’d heard. And he was still listening.

“And not just because you’re on fire!” Catty jumped in.

She laughed, “I didn’t even notice the pun!”

“Really? How could you not? It’s super obvious!”

“I appreciate your concern but I am quite happy in my relationship. Thank you.” He pat himself on the back for that: it was a cool, level headed, dismissal. Gaster slipped off the bar stool, darn it, they upset him. Oh well, he figured he could follow him upstairs to ensure he was okay but-- Gaster didn’t move to the stairs.  
  


Gaster crossed over to the jukebox instead with his hands placed securely behind his back as hand bullets tapped away at the selection, as if he needed to look. They’d danced to just about every song in there. Wait. Was Gaster wanting to dance? In this thick of a crowd? Grillby wasn’t even sure he was brave enough to do that without some sort of a drink in him.

Sure enough a few notes on the piano lead into the short opening before the lyrics started: _Kiss today goodbye, the sweetness and the sorrow._ Gaster held his hand out towards Grillby two bright red halos of light burned in his sockets. His soul quivered against their power, against the sheer strength of the magic they burned with, they were like two setting suns and Grillby was drawn into them without a thought.

His partner’s magic could be tasted before he was anywhere near arm's length: it was confident and Grillby wasn’t surprised at all by the subtle shock he got when they touched fingertips. ‘Mind if I lead?’ Gaster inquired before he ran his smooth slick fingers down Grillby’s back. There wasn’t a point in answering, not that he could, those red eyes had him hypnotized and he had no interest in breaking whatever spell they cast.

Grillby wrapped his hand gently around the top of Gaster’s shoulder subtly tapping his toes against the base of his shoe as they waited for a good place to start. _Look, my eyes are dry, The gift was ours to borrow, It's as if we always knew…_ The voice was timid, soft as it coaxed the listeners into that moment. 

With Gaster leading they weren’t doing anything too complex mostly gliding box steps and a few smooth turns but it felt right in that moment. Even when Gaster stepped wrong Grillby didn’t feel the need to encourage his foot into the right position because each step was taken with such assuredness that it felt correct. ‘Eyes on me,’ Gaster smirked as hand bullets signed behind him.

Grillby hurriedly corrected his posture, _And I won't forget what I did for love, What I did for love_. Stars, they must have danced to this song a dozen times before but this felt different. The way their souls were thrumming so close together, how Gaster’s teeth teased him with a smile that made Grillby want to melt, suddenly everything felt new.

 _Gone, Love is never gone. As we travel on, Love's what we'll remember._ Gaster pulled the hand he was holding up to his teeth and kissed it gently in the quiet break of the music. “Who am I dancing with?” Grillby smiled widely.

‘The stranger at the ball,’ Gaster mused, ‘kiss me and you might find I’m a prince.’

Grillby stumbled over his own feet as a quiver sent butterflies into his stomach. “There’s a-uh-lot of folks here for that Bun.” For once he was the one feeling shy. All around the bar couples of various species were watching them with a look of entrance or muttering of how they were doing. Could they feel this magic of Gaster’s too?

‘Let them,’ with that Gaster pressed his teeth against the side of Grillby’s cheek before he bit at it playfully. Immediately a chill of magic rushed through his flame straight to his core to leave behind a weak shiver before he could stoke himself warm enough to fend it off. Never had he felt Gaster’s magic so strong, so purely. Grillby’s flames flickered and swayed as he focused on the lingering cold on his cheek. It felt the same as a deep kiss but it was so… instantaneous. 

Gaster had a wickedly content smile on his face until Grillby broke their hold to stare wide eyed at the monster in front of him. After building and building the music finally settled on a soft reserved repeat of the title: _What I did for love._ Purple freckles began to fester across his cheekbones as the red left his eyes for their usual half lit and white set. When those gathered began to applaud Gaster nearly jumped straight out of his suit jacket. Realization as to what they just did settled over him like shackles and he suddenly seemed very small in this crowded room. 

“Do you want to go back home?” Grillby offered his hand as his flames burned softly, happily, and content. Talk about a valentines day surprise. Gaster nodded then eagerly scooped up his hand in both of his.

“I’ll be right back, ten minutes tops!” Grillby called to his waiting staff as Gaster led him up the stairs. A few of the customers giggled with a knowing that was not accurate but correcting their assumption wasn’t going to do any good.

Once inside with the door firmly shut behind them Grillby flopped into his reclining chair not at all surprised to have a lap full of a very violet faced skeleton. Gaster clutched his face as a nervous laugh bubbled out of him, ‘What was that!?’ Hand bullets signed as his actual hands stayed clenched to the sides of his skull to stop his smile from growing wider than his face allowed.

“I was going to ask you that,” Grillby smiled then pressed a soft kiss to his cheekbone.

‘I just--’ he gestured without meaning with his actual hands while the bullets bobbed beside him, ‘I just wanted to enjoy myself! I was happy and then they said that,’ he nearly smacked Grillby’s glasses off when he suddenly flailed his arms out to the side. ‘I know I should have got mopey or upset but I got angry! I wanted to have a good time! I wanted to show her just exactly how good we are together!’

Grillby wrapped his fingers between the hand closest to him, “I think we showed her and everyone else down there.”

‘Stars,’ with Grillby’s hand still in his he clamped his hands over his cheekbones, ‘I’m so sorry that was mortifying!’ His eyelights sparked as a mortified expression flashed across his skull, ‘Are you alright? I’m sorry I bit you!’ His good eyelight was fixated on the still cold patch on Grillby’s cheek.

Actually the fact that it was still cold was a bit of a curiosity, “Is it stained?”

‘It’s barely noticeable just a patch of purple I’m sorry.’ His brows furrowed suddenly, ‘Stained?’

He crackled with mild embarrassment, “It’s something flames do to mark their mates since we don’t… er, can’t, reproduce,” he rubbed the back of his head to smooth the bristling flames there. “We just sort of press our magic against one another and sometimes it leaves impressions of color.” Simply put anyways. It was a process his mind remembered so strongly that just thinking of the pushing pulling sensation left his flames rippling with memories of delight. 

“Mind telling me why you bit me?”

‘It wasn’t hard was it?’

“No Gaster, nothing more than a play bite.”

‘Good,’ he put his hands in his lap and relaxed against Grillby’s chest, ‘sometimes when I think of you my teeth hum with magic. Sometimes so strongly they ache and I just-- think about biting you?’ He put his pointer finger in his mouth and bit down as if trying to recreate the sensation.

“Did it feel good?” Gaster immediately buried his face in his hands, “Then do it.”

‘You aren’t supposed to bite others!’

“Maybe it’s a skeleton thing,” Grillby shrugged.

‘I--’ His eyes went distant as he thought, ‘I don’t know.’

“If it means anything it felt like when we kiss passionately but a lot faster and a bit stronger.”

‘Probably from being one sided,’ Gaster theorized and his mind immediately began to turn cogs and gears to a tune Grillby could never dance to. 

He kissed his cheek as gently as he could muster, “One more question love.” Gaster’s small frame fit so comfortably against his, he wrapped his arms around him and held him against his chest. “What magic was that?”

‘Violet, you’ve seen me channel perseverance before.’

“It was red Bun, every bit as scarlet and breathtaking as the setting sun.”

Gaster blinked in disbelief, doubt curled itself against his teeth before he furrowed his brow, ‘But I gave up... I shouldn’t be able to do that anymore.’ He studied Grillby’s glasses as red conjured back into his eyelights, it wasn’t as strong as downstairs but it was enough of a glow to see it in the reflection. He laughed a bit to himself before he smiled the confused expression lingering, ‘It’s determination... I shouldn’t have it anymore.’

He didn’t know anything about determination except for the fact it was very bad for monsters, it’s what turned so many of Snowdin’s elder residents into amalgamates, but something about that glow, about that shade, and that feeling was intoxicating to him. It was completely different than anything he’d felt before. The way his soul quaked before those beautiful eyes he couldn’t think of it as a bad thing. “Most monsters don’t just lose their magic.”

‘This is a different kind of magic,’ he exhaled a breath. ‘Back before I fell I found myself content for the first time in my life. I was ready to pass the future on to my boys and it started to leave me,’ he traced his sockets. ‘And I was willing to let it but… I needed to burn it again for my boys so it came back.’

‘In the void. There was no reason for it, no purpose, and it only hurt to cling to it, so I gave up. I shouldn’t get it back.’

“Maybe,” Grillby ran his fingers up and down Gaster’s burning a pleasant heat, “you found a reason to burn it again.” Was it him? Was Gaster enwrapped with that powerful magic because of him? Why was that exciting?

‘I just… wanted to have a good All Souls Day with you,’ he signed so small that his fingers fumbled against each other.

“You were determined for it?” He winked as a giggly excitement danced in his chest.

‘I guess I was,’ he finally relaxed directly atop Grillby allowing the flame to pepper his forehead with soft kisses as his partner laughed with delight before stealing a kiss of his own. ‘I’m determined to be the partner you deserve.’

“Bun, you already are,” he pressed his forehead against the side of his skull, “the days before you seem so much further away than they actually are. Just thinking how it was only a few months ago that we were seeing each other a few hours in a week baffles me because it feels like… we’ve always been this.” He picked Gaster up from his lap effortlessly to him into a hug before he set him back down.

“I’m someone different for the first time in my life because of you. It’s easy to forget things like purposes and duties and swords and just think about kisses, and hugs, and how safe I feel when I’m in your arms, and how strong I feel when you’re in mine. I love you and I see things different because of you.” He could prove it too, he fished around in his inventory, he wasn’t going to give this to him today but the timing felt right.

He held out a glass flower, it didn’t look distinctly like any particular type he’d seen before (even if he’d tried to make a rose). ‘You said no surprises.’ Gaster beamed. 

“Well you’ve been full of them all day,” Grillby smirked. “I’ve noticed that you’re a bit… sympathetic,” _please be the right word_ , “to broken things.” Gaster tore his eyes from the glass flower to look up at him, “Mugs that can’t hold coffee anymore go from the cabinet to your nightstand. I’ve watched you mend the spines on books, or stitch torn clothes, or pause to consider purchasing the most bruised up produce I have ever seen.” They both laughed softly as several trips to the farmer’s market came to mind. “A few weeks ago a glass broke in the restaurant, it happens all the time, I just sweep it up and move on but… The shards sparkled with the same light as icicles do when they catch a fire’s glow.”

“I remembered an evening out in the snow and ice in the middle of a forest where your eyes lit up with a joy I hadn’t seen before.” He shifted the flower in his palm, “And I saw your smile in those shards.”

‘It’s beautiful,’ Gaster caressed one of the petals with his fingertip until Grillby pressed it gently into his hands.

“I’m not great at glass work but sometimes I mess around with it.” There was supposed to be a stem on it but he kept burning too hot or stretching it too thin. “I’m glad you like it.”

He held it over his soul, ‘I love it Grillby. Thank you.’

“And I love you,” he kissed between Gaster’s eyes, “but I have to go back to work.” Gaster let out a sigh like a dog who had been comfy on the couch for minutes before being asked to get down but he slipped out of Grillby’s lap with the flower in both of his hands. “I’ll see you shortly.”

“Love you,” Gaster called as he crossed to the door.

“Love you too Bun!” Grillby crackled before he shut the door behind him.

Gaster let out a soft sigh as he moved to sit on the window seat in their makeshift lounge. The glass petals glistened under his touch, Grillby had seen broken glass and only saw beauty in it. He traced the petals, a few were too brittle where he’d been too warm but it just assured him it was made by his partner. His fingers curled around it gently. It was broken, but still worthy of love and adoration. Gaster took a deep breath, there was going to be one more surprise this All Souls Day he just had to hope he could keep his nerve about him.

* * *

Grillby locked the front door with a delighted smile, it was finally over. He was exhausted but there was one thing left to do: he looked around at the mess across the floor, the decorations that needed torn down, and the pile of dishes he could see from here. Typically he’d have his crew stay to help clean up but tonight he and his partner were going to pull out the good silks to push a few brooms around while the jukebox played songs they’d listened to a million times. Maybe it wasn’t anyone’s ideal way to end a day dedicated to romance but they enjoyed it.

His feet clunked heavily against the stairs as he scaled them, hopefully Gaster’s magic hands were set to take more than their fair share of work tonight. He swung open the door to find Gaster standing in the hall between the kitchen and the living room. That wouldn’t have his attention as much as it did if it weren’t for the fact that Gaster was wearing nothing more than the boxer shorts with the atoms on them Sans had gotten him as a joke.

Gaster’s hands were clasped behind his back and his eyelights were pointed harshly down to the floor. Grillby rubbed his eyes in disbelief but when he removed them Gaster was still there. His flecks moved up and down the skeleton lingering a minute at his bare feet. This was… not what he was expecting to come home to.

‘Bun?’ He signed, “Are you okay?”

His breathing stuttered for a moment before he pulled his hands in front of his chest, ‘I love you with all of my soul… I think it’s past time I trusted you with everything else.’

What was he thinking? Try as he might, Grillby couldn’t see anything but mild hesitation in his sockets. That meant… Gaster wanted this. It wasn’t something he felt he had to do or was obligated to present to Grillby, he wanted to show him. When Grillby took a step forward he expected his partner to step back but he stood firm even if his toes clung to the carpet below him.

With a shiver of excitement, that Grillby hoped dearly Gaster didn’t see, he reached both hands out to cup his partner’s ribs. Gaster sucked in sharply before he could even touch them and Grillby pulled his hands away, maybe he should have asked first? Looking was one thing but touching was something else. Gaster placed his palms against the back of Grillby’s hands and brought them gently down to his ribs.

They weren’t exactly what he’d been expecting. For one they lacked any sort of divots or holes through them like all of the displays he’d seen, for two, they were incredibly smooth. A tiny dark brown spot stood out amongst the off white and it took him a moment to realize that’s where the cables from the collar had been. Just a little burn. He pecked it softly and Gaster squeaked in surprise.

Gaster’s fingers had a bit of a coarse texture, as did his skull, but this was like the silk the monster was so fond of wearing. Grillby purred as he pressed a kiss to the base of where he assumed the sternum was supposed to be. He moved up incrementally until he could see just how tense Gaster’s shoulders were.

‘Sorry,’ Gaster signed shakily, ‘I--’

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Grillby held his hand above Gaster’s soul delighted to feel every pulse of his magic. In his best imitation of Gaster’s feathersoft touch he ran his fingers down the ribs before he knelt in front of him tracing his fingers along his narrow bones that made his legs. Stars, they seemed so tiny with nothing around them, his palms were barely filled as he ran them down the back of them. 

He didn’t know a lot about bones to notice if there was anything odd about them but he did have an idea of what the feet should look like. His second and third toes were melted together at the tip, the pinky toe was barely there at all, and the bones along the top of his foot were a single sheet, just like his hands and ribs. Several behaviors were clicking together in his head now as he looked back up to Gaster who was staring into the middle distance.

What was all of this from? Had he been born this way? No, something at the back of his mind told him that wasn’t this case, these were old wounds that he should know about. Did he ask and risk _that look_ of mild disappointment at his lack of memories? Or just assure him it didn’t matter? No. Gaster would think he was covering his real thoughts on the matter up even if it was the truth.

Grillby rose to his feet a soft yellow settled over him as he took in the image of his partner in this new, small, and vulnerable state. He trusted him to make the right decision, to move about this correctly, and he wasn’t going to let him down. Gently Grillby encouraged Gaster to take his hands.

“I love you,” Gaster felt the need to assure him with the only words he could say without his hands.

“I love you too.” Grillby’s soul squirmed as purple tears festered at the base of Gaster’s good socket, he was getting overwhelmed. Grillby kissed the base of his sockets. His flames hissed against the water like magic but they didn’t hurt even if Gaster jerked away to wipe them with his shoulder. “You’re beautiful.”

Gaster swallowed hard, _beautiful?_ Grillby was looking at _him_ and called him _beautiful_ ? What a silly monster but… He laughed a little, those eyes that were locked on him were telling the truth. Grillby looked at his broken pieces and only saw beauty. For so long he’d been dreading that this was the deal breaker. That the marble statue would look at the limestone across from him and realize just what a difference there was. But Grillby saw _him_. And the him that Grillby saw was exactly who he wanted to be.

In Grillby’s eyes he was beautiful and for the first time in his life he believed those words to be true. His mouth quivered with words he could not quite say, his fingers twitched with things he could not quite sign, but his magic thrummed vibrant and alive in his chest. The smile that cracked across Grillby’s warm glow meant he was heard loud and clear. He squeezed his hands in his, _They_ were beautiful together.

He placed his palms against Grillby’s shoulders, he lowered himself slowly until his chest was pressed against Grillby’s, “I love you,” he nipped at his neck delighted by the searing heat that filled his skull. As his face flushed with colors he buried it against his partner’s shoulder.

“I love you too.” Grillby held him so wonderfully close and stoked his flames into a warmth so pleasant he felt as if summer had arrived just for him.

‘Are you ready to clean?’ He hated to ruin the moment but there was a lot left to do.

Grillby pulled away just enough to smile in shades of yellow, “Are you wearing that?”

Gaster laughed breaking their hold, ‘What do you not like this?’

Those simple white flecks wrinkled with mirth, “No, I like this very much.” He ran his hands gently down his sides again and Gaster stilled the rattle his soul shook with the promise of, “But I want you to be comfortable.” What a wonderful partner he’d found, he clamped his teeth together as he realized the monster he loved was thinking the same thing. What an All Souls Day this had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had parts of this written up FOREVER it’s odd finally posting them. I still feel like it’s pretty clunky but I needed to introduce the collar here for future reasons :P
> 
> If you are curious about Gaster’s ribs I tried to cram something in here but it felt like cramming. I am going to try to fill it in somewhere else but if you want [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14927060/chapters/38193293) is the chapter of Charges that sort of details the incident. It’s late in the story but it’s a pretty stand alone chapter.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I’m not sure when the next update will be ^^’ Spring doesn’t have many holidays to post on so I’m thinking “spring fever” and “spring cleaning”

**Author's Note:**

> Gaster just straight up forgetting he exists had soooooo many rewrites bouncing from the extremely dramatic (out in the blizzard unaware he was freezing over) to incredibly docile (Grillby convinces him at the bar) so I hope this is just the right mix. I'm always super nervous posting to this series and I don't really know why ^^' I hope you all enjoyed and see ya on Valentine's Day for the next one!


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